monday's mutt

Wow. . .Monday's Mutt is really spanning the globe.  It's been a mere 6 weeks since our inception and we've already been in North Carolina, Alaska and New Orleans. This week we are coming to you from a city known for its arid climate, luxurious resorts, McDowell Mountains and saguaro cactus (not to mention the Arizona Cardinals close by). . . Scottsdale, AZ.   Our special guy belongs to another college friend (KT) and her family. . .it is with great honor and privilege that I introduce you to the very entertaining:

                                                     Oliver

GT:  Oliver. . .it's such a pleasure to have you spend some time with us here at Monday's Mutt.  Tell us a little bit about yourself. . .like how did you hook up with your family?

Oliver:  I was chillin out in my crate at one of those adoption events at PetsMart.  My tummy was kind of rumbling and I wasn't feeling too hot and then this guy walks up (my dad) and pokes his fingers in my cage and said hello.  His fingers kind of smelled like sausage muffins so I licked them and well, at that point it was like Tom Cruise and Rene Tailwagger (or whatever her name is).  I had him at hello.

GT:  Well, isn't that sweet.  But I think you have a mom and two little girls at your house too?  What about the rest of your family. . .did you have them at hello?

Oliver:  Well no, my mom wasn't so sure.  My dad said, "Honey, this looks exactly like the dog I dreamed about!"  as he pulled me out of the cage and put me down next to these two little girls who smelled like cheerios and maple syrup.  Ever the nitpicker, my mom started rifling through the paperwork that was hidden behind the sign which proudly proclaimed me as a "lab mix" and was aghast to find a rabies vaccination that said "pit bull".  Meanwhile, my dad was doing some negotiations with the adoption volunteer to feign ignorance of such history.  

GT:  Uh oh. . .this is better than a Danielle Steel novel.  What happened next?

Oliver:  Well, my mom basically went after the volunteer who claimed total ignorance as to my lineage and so my mom insisted that she call the shelter and get some answers.  After 10 minutes, during which I nuzzled up big time with my mom (AND made sure not to shed at all), the volunteer came back and told my mom that I might be part Weimaraner, which mom loved cuz it sounded all hoity-toity to her and perfectly appropriate for her Scottsdale hood.  Hee, hee. . .between you and me I'm about as much Weimaraner as I am toy poodle, but hey. . .whatever works.  

GT:  Okay, so know we know how you had them all at hello. . .tell us about your new surroundings once you got home.  Like, where do you like to sleep?

Oliver:  Amid destruction.

GT: Huh?  What do you mean?

Oliver:  Well, I like to chew things up and then lie amid the wreckage.  You name it.  I do couch pillows, the skirt thingy that goes around the bottom of the couch (blocks me from getting the bones and stuff I shove underneath there), hair bands, barrettes (I guess I have a special taste for little girl hair trinkets), mom's shoes.  The other day I did a number on one of the girl's recorders.  It was a purple plastic thing.  She had been playing Hot Cross Buns over and over and over and over. . .all while I was in the middle of a nap.  That thing had to go.

GT:  Oh boy. . .I'm thinking it's a good thing you don't live close to me.  You and my Maeve sound like two peas in a naughty pod.

GT:  Okay, so surely this next question will help redeem yourself.  What do you like to eat?

Oliver:  Poop.

GT:  Excuse me, did you just say 'poop'?

Oliver:  Yep.  Doesn't everyone?  It makes my family really mad.  I'm trying to train em to relax about it. 

GT:  Well Oliver, you certainly sound like the TV loving type.  Do you have a favorite TV show?

Oliver:  Sure.  Every Friday night, mom and I sit down with a glass of wine and watch The Dog Whisperer.  Mom is alert for the first part when they tell all about the naughty dog, but she generally nods off during the second half when Cesar gives all his secrets about being the pack leader.  This is where I tune in and get all the best tips on how to keep my family in line.

GT:  I'm kind of afraid to ask this question, but what about bad habits?  Do you have any?

Oliver:  Well yes.  Unfortunately, my family has a few.  They stay totally calm when the doorbell rings.  For goodness sake, how is any visitor going to feel appreciated and welcome if you don't greet them with a full frontal assault?  I try to give everybody (and I mean everybody. . .no discrimination from Oliver) the whole nine yards.  Jumping on them is a given, as well as aggressive crotch sniffs punctuated by body wagging and vigorous taste-testing of any purse straps or things hanging off their bodies.  I also like to throw in a few good ole fashioned boy dog gyrations.  

GT:  Oh Oliver.  I think you take the prize for being the most entertaining mutt featured here on Monday's Mutt.  How about a few parting words for everyone. . .maybe a few words of Oliver wisdom?

Oliver:  No problem.  Happy to tell my story. As for words of wisdom. . .naps rock. Period.  Be like me and don't discriminate- lover everyone no matter what color, size, shape, age, etc.  Be forgiving and greet everyone with a happy face and wagging body.  Always be curious.  We dogs have the life and people should follow our examples a little more.  Everyone would be happier and the world would be a better place.

GT:  Bravo Oliver.  Those were exceptional words of wisdom.  Now go see what you can do about solving this world financial crisis.